shutting down

i want to 'shut down' almost everything

facebook(s), twitter, google+, instagram, skype, etc *yeah tumblr is not in the list*

actually i tried. i tried so many times. yet i failed.

and that was so frustrating

how on earth will i ever succeed in being... 'dark'?

but why?

you see, things in my head are loud enough.

those 'alam maya' technology somehow hurts me. a lot.

it might be a lill bit of somewhat unknown reason *ya ya ya thats what i thought

i just thought that maybe...read me, MAYBE...

by shutting down all those things, i might be able to focus on things that i should more

things like being a better person each day,

things like being a better daughter and a good friend,

be a good medical student,

be a good sister,

be a responsible person, independent, 

a person who can cook well,

a person who knows directions and routes and won't get lost anymore T__T,

and more and more

because it just came to my mind that i should do something better with my life

since i won't be living forever

i  mean here in dunya

i want to have the feeling of obsession to Jannah

because i want to struggle myself harder for it

i want to be in Jannah

i want my love ones to be with me as well

and i want to live forever with my love ones there forever

insyaALLAH insyaALLAH insyaALLAH

seems to me that i'm actually trying sooooo hard to get rid of my haram feeling as well

maybe that's the primer reason why i really wanted to shut down everything

i'm doing this for myself. i know this is good. so i will try again. i will try until i can't.

until then, i'll figure out later.